Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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