I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
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They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
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wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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