I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize