There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
