that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The struggles of a small town man whore
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
