Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
