Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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