I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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