I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
