Can i not drive my cunt home
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
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are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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