dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
