peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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