Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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