All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Damn victory sex feels great
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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