have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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