Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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