I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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