dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
