I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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