Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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