Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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