Swine flu. Run for my life!
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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