I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
