the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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