Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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