i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
