He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
