genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
