It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Come on in and take your pants off
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