Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
