There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
