It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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