Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
im on a boat
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