i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
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The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
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She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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