The maid of honor just puked.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
