why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
if only i could text you this smell
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
