Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
