Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
