so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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