Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
