I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize