Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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