Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
