On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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