I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
