hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
