dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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