He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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