Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
