if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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