she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
