I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I said "one day" and that day is not today
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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