Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
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Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
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My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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