i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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