What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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