after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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