my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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