i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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