i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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