If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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