Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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